Go Ahead…Intimidate Yourself; Opportunities

career-goals

Happy Friday friends! I’ve been running around like a crazy woman the past few days. I think I told y’all that I am moving for the third time since moving down to Florida a little over 6 months ago. I am not tied to a place and that is a pretty cool feeling. However, some stability would be nice.

I am in a transformative phase right now where I have so many options and possibilities in front of me and I can choose how I approach each of them. For once I feel like instead of becoming intimidated or discouraged, I have momentum. I feel like I have value and I am seeing everything as learning experience to get me better at what I ultimately want to end up doing in life, which is combination of working in the Float Industry and the Fitness/wellness industry but at much higher level than I am now. I am doing everything that I can  I am sitting down and being humble while learning from every experience, even ones I would have considered failures in the past. If I don’t succeed somewhere, I take what my weak point was and I don’t make that same mistake. That is an opportunity.

I am grateful that I have been given an amazing book that is helping me change my mindset that desperately needed changing. There is no getting discouraged or sitting in depression. There is no time, there is only time to move forward right now. I know I have potential, but I am also finally grasping the idea that I wont get what I want overnight or through any short-cuts. I have been applying to a ton of jobs that intimidate me because I know that discomfort and the unknown can hold great surprises and be some of the greatest learning opportunities. Though the idea of rejection sounds shitty, there really is nothing shitty about it unless we attach a meaning to it. I think as long as you are growing in areas that are important to you, you can only go up if you don’t give up. Not trying at all is a damn shame.

The difference here is I am learning when it is strategic to compromise and when it isn’t. Things can sound good, but if there is no room to move up, maybe it isn’t worth pursuing. Then again, it depends! Everyone’s life is different. For example, I need to have enough compensation to survive and save for my future and have benefits, or at least make enough money where I can afford benefits for myself. I feel super confident that I can make this happen. I will am willing to get a lot of nos, in order to find the ones that say yes, and want what I have to offer. Thank God I always have training in by back pocket.

The whole point of this post was to show that it is possible to change the way you view things. It takes time and practice, but if you stay persistent and committed to a new mindset, this can be done. Do what you need to do for yourself, take the advice that helps you and disregard the rest, but pay attention. There could be hidden gems in the things that offend you. Sorry if this post was kind of scattered all over the place. It kind of reflects part of my state of mind, but I am making sure to stick to my priorities.

Have a great weekend friends 🙂 Much love ❤

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Your Dreams and Your Family

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Hello all. I have been experiencing a lot lately in terms of uncertainty. I moved away from home to learn to grow up and stop relying so much on people. Also, I wanted to become who I was meant to be in my own space where I am not influenced by peoples’ previous perceptions of who I was. It is hard to grow when you are constantly around people who see you as static, when really we are changing every moment. These people may love you, but if you really want to become something, you must venture out eventually. It is sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy… when you know someone sees you a certain way, you may continue to act in certain ways that you aren’t okay with anymore.

So, I have recently got the opportunity to move in with my grandparents, who also live in Florida, just an hour south of Melbourne. There were reasons that made it seem like a logical thing to do right now, even though I LOVE having my own space and privacy and quiet. I can do whatever I want here basically. It is a blessing, but it can also be bad. I was so conflicted today on the idea of leaving and moving in with MORE family. I sound ungrateful. I know I am blessed to have family that cares about my life and my well-being. However though, I had some fear that it would limit my growth.

 I am adopting a new perspective and seeing the opportunity in every situation. I am doing this thanks to a book I am reading, “The Obstacle Is The Way,” by Ryan Holiday. So in this situation, I get to spend more time with my grandparents and build an even better relationship with them. I also still don’t have to share a bathroom with anyone (I sometimes take long showers), and I know I will sleep well most of the time. I am also closer to a lot of areas in Florida that I love (I was always a south Florida fan). I get to explore a new area that I never got to see much of on my own as an adult because I was a kid when I visited the most often. Now I have transportation, and I have more control over how often I am there. I will get a better job and truly give my best efforts. I am trying to see all the positive and not dwell on the things I’m “losing.” It is what it is, and my judgments create my reality. So, I can make it shitty or great.

This will be a very temporary situation. I will be able to save money while still working toward my goals until another opportunity that is meant for me comes along. I have faith it will happen soon. I know my worth in the workplace when I am passionate.

It is funny how you can have a totally alien mindset compared to your family. I sometimes feel like I was just dropped here on Earth to be a weirdo and to do things people only think about. I have such an oddball mindset, but it is my truth and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else because than I wouldn’t be me. My family is very cut and dry about the way life is meant to be. I wouldn’t say my entire family, but definitely my grandparents and uncle. Our values are just in different places and that is ok. It just sucks being sensitive when people are trying to persuade you one way, but you really feel completely different. Making a living is all I hear. Money is all I hear. Sure, I would like more money, but my well-being and mental health come way before money. So does helping others help themselves. I don’t care if I never get monetarily rich in this life. I just want to spend the rest of my life working to help people experience more enjoyment in life, whether it be by training or floating or just listening.

I know must be realistic also. That is setting in. But basically, I was told to forget about what I cared about most because it wasn’t profitable. That made me feel a certain way. I just brushed it off, but it did rub me the wrong way. The past day or so I have just been questioning what family is. Like how did we end up with these people? They may care, but there is such a huge disconnect.

My parents are pretty awesome even though we still don’t see eye to eye on every little thing. They are open-minded to a certain degree, so I will take that. It wasn’t always this way. Things just get better when you have some distance from each other so you can appreciate each other more.

SO, my opportunity is to not get offended by the opinions of those around me. Instead, I can listen and see their perspective and choose to adjust mine if and when I see fit. I realize that for the time being, money is important. It may not be as big of a deal years down the road, but I do notice that I was a little too laid-back for a lot of my life until now. I always worked multiple jobs. I was not lazy, I was just not very strategic and my lack of confidence did hold me back. Yesterday I applied to jobs that intimidated me. Why? Because I want to learn and smash my obstacles. It is time. No more standing in my own way.

I am ready to smash my obstacles and succeed no matter what life throws my way. An event is an event until we attach meaning to it. This will take time and persistence and serious will, which I have. I don’t just give up and I never will. I can go through dark times, but I have tools in my arsenal to get out and not dwell. There is no time for that anymore. My life is going to keep getting better because I am committed to that.

I will let you know my progress on applying the principles of this book.

Have a good Tuesday friends 😊

Floating in Different States of Consciousness

 

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Hey guys! This post is going to talk about the different states of consciousness I have tried floating in. Before we get into the fun stuff, I want to state that I recommend floating without any substances, especially the first time. You want to get the full experience and see what it’s like, unaltered. We must learn to truly sit with ourselves. I never wanted to get into a habit where I felt like I had to get stoned or something before a float. This is probably a semi controversial topic among center owners and regular float clients.

I have gone through phases where I would smoke pot before, and times where I decided it would be more beneficial if I did not. I believe that you sort through more when you are sober. The different states I want to discuss include of course on NO substances, different time of day/night, lengthy floats, high from smoking pot, high from smoking a marijuana oil vape, after eating edible pot, micro dosing on psilocybin, and in a sleep deprived state.

This is just a fun post, it is nothing credible, just my experiences. I used to hold back a lot with what I posted on here because I worried about peoples’ opinions and how they might judge me, but let’s be real, plants are a lot more in the mainstream today. I’m not the only rebel out there =p .

I didn’t start trying new things in the tank for at least a few months after I started floating. I thought it was important to get a feel for it before I dabbled. I started floating in the afternoon, which was okay, but I would always hit rush hour traffic on the way home, which kind of took me out of that peaceful state. I started doing later nights, but I’m a weirdo, and I would stay up all night when I did this. Some people say then can fall right asleep after a night float, but not me and the way my brain is wired. I always wanted to bask in the feeling and not go right to sleep. The morning floats were my sweet spot. It was much easier for me to relax before the chaos of the day had my going 100 miles per hour. It is easier for me to wake up and go back to that sleep-like state. I felt that I got into deeper states during my 7AM floats. Everyone is different, so you just should find what works for you.

I must say, I really enjoy long floats. Most float centers offer 90 minute sessions as standard, but some offer 60 as well. The center I worked at only offered 60 minutes, which in my opinion, for my goals, was not enough time for me to get enough benefits. I think an hour float could be good for people floating purely for pain or relaxation or a quick nap. I think that a lot of people, including myself, have a difficult time shutting off. I feel like there are days where it takes me an hour to quiet my mind, and then the music would come on and the float was over before I got to get into a deep state. With 90 minutes it was rare that I had that same issue. One of the plus sides to working at a Float center was being able to control my own floats. I was able to set the timer for however long I wanted, which was awesome. The longest float I ended up doing was 4 hours. That was up in New York at The Float Place in Patchogue. It was an amazing float. It went a lot quicker that I would have expected. My longest float in Florida was close to 3 hours. It is so different when you are a guest at a center as opposed to working at one. When you work at one, you know you have to clean up after, so it isn’t as relaxing, but that comes with the territory. So, I was always tempted to get out early and start cleaning. But regardless, I am happy I challenged myself to the longer floats because it seriously challenged my ability to keep bringing myself back to present for a lengthy amount of time. 90 minutes can be a challenge, but double that is something else. I believe it is a good brain conditioning exercise to test your limits occasionally. It is usually when we least want to that we need it the most.

 To be honest, I didn’t really enjoy smoking regular flower before floating. You are in a tank or room for usually 90 minutes. Focusing on cotton mouth and the taste of weed in your mouth can take away from the float if you ask me. I enjoyed smoking my oil vape pen before a lot more. However, you just kind of drift off and aren’t as conscious of the insights you may be getting. I felt like I was in more of a sleep state than a conscious theta state, so I didn’t do that often. If my intention was just to kind of relax and chill, then I would hit the pen happily. There were only two times that I got the opportunity to eat an edible weed candy before floating, and that was during my trip home. THAT was something else. I broke the candy in half because it was strong and I had another float the following night. I was tired to begin with, but I swear this put me in another world. I went so deep, I woke up so disoriented. I couldn’t find the light. I had gotten water in my eyes, went to grab the towel and straight dropped it in the water. I threw it out of the room and sincerely apologized to my friends and offered to clean it. I also did not wake up until the very end of the music, which is unusual for me. (There are usually 5 minutes of music at the end of your float to cue you to wake up and slowly exit) The next day was the same situation, except I did not get salt in my eyes. So, it can be good and bad. I would say that edibles can be fun to throw into the mix occasionally, but maybe not all the time. I am curious though how it would have been on edibles had I not been sleep deprived.

The floats where I just did not sleep the night before for whatever reason were always great. If you pass out in the tank, you wake up feeling amazing. You may feel a bit disoriented for a few minutes, but then I always feel like I got a full nights’ sleep in an hour and a half. It truly is amazing. This is because we go into such a deep delta state.

Lastly, I would like to mention my experience taking a small dose of mushrooms before my float. It had to be 1.5 grams or so. I ate them and then set the music on for the beginning of the float as per i-sopod standard setting at the center I worked at. I set the float for 3 hours since it was a small dose. I also messed with the light settings for the first time during one of my floats. I knew it would take a few minutes to hit me, so I wanted to set a nice little vibe for myself. I had the light blue, then purple and then the alternating colors (I liked to call this one the disco ball). I could tell that I was feeling the effects from the psilocybin when I became more sensitive to the red light. I’m no color therapy expert, but I know red can provoke anxiety in already anxious people. I took this as an opportunity to surrender into what I was about to experience. I told myself it was okay and there was nothing to worry about. I was in just about the safest space possible, a float pod.

I wish I had a really exciting story to tell you about this experience, but unfortunately, I do not. I kept getting the message like “ok, why did you really need to do this?” I had expectations that I wasn’t completely aware of. I guess I was subconsciously hoping I would connect with other entities somewhere in another dimension, but all I did was lay there in a float tank. The most profound insight I received was that I didn’t need to try so hard to have any experience in life. If I was meant to come to know something, I would learn in some way, but it just didn’t have to be from taking psychedelics in a float tank.  I don’t regret it, and I am glad I was able to get that out of my system. I also want to mention that I managed to get lost in an I-sopod. That was a new one. I laughed at myself as I tried to find my way out.. Keep in mind this does not happen to normal people.

 I can’t say I’m not curious what a full dose would be like, but I don’t care to try any time soon to be honest. I am however, curious to hear about others’ experiences taking 3 or 4 grams in the tank. It was funny hearing Duncan Trussell speak this year at the Float Conference on taking psychedelics in the tank because what he described sounded almost exactly like mine. I will post that video below 😊 Keep in mind it is a long video because it is an episode of his podcast… I really tried to find the part I mentioned, but I could not. It’s worth a watch anyway!

SO, after all that, I still think people should NOT float on any substances for the most part. It is important to be alone with our selves. That is a big part of the point of floating. If you want to get a little stoned and just hang out in there, I wouldn’t discourage you. This is my point of view speaking as someone who just loves floating. I am by no means promoting “drug” use in float tanks. I wouldn’t even consider doing any of these things if you are just getting into floating. I just like to do experiments on myself. It is a liability though and if I were a center owner, I would have that in my disclaimer. So don’t do it guys =p , but if you do, you better tell me about it.

Have a great night friends! ❤

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg-HIZ3qgtk

 

Cymatics and it’s Possible Potential in Float Therapy..?

cy3.jpgThis is an interesting topic to me. It was brought up to while I was working a shift with the original owner of Souler Float while the new owners were away. The dude was super cool. Before I begin, I am not going to pretend to be an expert on this topic as I am a still researching and learning about it myself. I encourage you to tell me if I am butchering it, but I am going to do my best to keep it simple. Cymatics seems to be hard to put into words because it is so complex to me, almost like Quantum Physics. Cymatics means “wave” in Greek, and it is defined as is a subset of modal vibrational phenomena. Cymatics has to do with frequency. There is a plate or surface that is vibrated in a specific way that causes particles to arrange themselves in particular ways. The plate itself and the intensity or rhythm of vibration determine the geometry that is produces by the sound waves. Cymatics basically makes sound visible, which is cool shit if you ask me!

Cymatics was originally used with a metal plate and sand. It can also be used in water apparently. Higher frequencies yield more complex geometric patterns. I am going to post a pretty sweet TED Talks about cymatics at the bottom of this post. I posted a few cool videos below as well showing what it is about.

It is no secret that our thoughts are vibrations. They resonate with specific frequencies. Sound healing has been becoming more of a thing (again, my knowledge is a bit limited in this area). Specific sound waves have been suggested to promote healing. I have experimented with bi-neurals, but never listened consistently enough to be able to say whether I experienced positive effects or not. I enjoy the sound of crystal bowls, but I haven’t been around them too much (tangent). I have been trying to stick to a balance between hippie things and science. Last year I was far more on the hippie side, now I’m more of a science person with wild curiosity and an open-mind. I am not knocking sound healing at all, I just don’t know a ton about it, which means I need to do more research.

I had a cool conversation with Alex. We both agreed that what we know about floating as a collective, is still just the tip of the iceberg. Research is being done and some awesome data has been revealed throughout the last float conferences. There is so much to consider still, and that is exciting. He believed there was a lot more to floating than what we do with it today. He suggested that maybe incorporating cymatics can possibly help certain types of float clients with different conditions. We couldn’t figure out how it would be incorporated, but it was still fun to discuss. If it sounded at all interesting to scientists, I trust them to figure out the best way to do this. I do wonder what the frequencies would do to the epsom salt if anything.. so many curiosities. I would totally have that dude on my future podcast.

As far as I am aware, there hasn’t been research done on this specific topic yet. However, I do think that if there was a way to incorporate Cymatics into Float Therapy, it could help alter brain waves in a way that is conducive to healing certain ailments and self-defeating thought patterns. I believe that his can have potential beneficial effects on those who suffer from anxiety/PTSD and depression.

I wanted to post this to just get the idea out there most of all. As I mentioned, I am not super knowledgeable yet in this topic, but you can be sure I will be researching my butt off to learn more about this. I may also shoot it over to some professionals to see what they think. It may be bananas, or it may change the future of Float Therapy forever. You never know until you put it out there.

I will post more as I learn. Thanks friends.

I would love to hear peoples’ feedback on this topic that either are familiar with floating or sound healing or psychology or all of those =p

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3oItpVa9fs

https://www.ted.com/talks/evan_grant_cymatics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GtiSCBXbHAg

Ego and “betrayal”

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Hey friends. This is a topic that I don’t even want to talk about, but it is relevant in my life now, and I’m sure you have experienced similar situations. I believe in Karma and I do think you get what you put out. I don’t want to go into too much detail or start ripping another person apart because I conceptually understand that none of us are perfect as humans.

I have done things that I never thought I would do, and I have often learned from those things and stopped behaving in that way. We all go through tough, confusing times in life. This can alter our behavior. I know because when I was younger (in my teens and early twenties), I didn’t think of the consequences of my actions. I didn’t think my actions would affect anyone but me. I was living in quite the delusion then.

I betrayed a few people very close to me that I loved dearly and I tortured myself for it for years. I medicated, I wanted to die because of the guilt. Time heals things, even though it doesn’t seem that way sometimes. It may take a long time. I had an experience while I was visiting home where I had a traumatizing situation occur with one of my oldest friends. I found out she had betrayed my trust in a way that seems impossible to forgive. I am nowhere near ready and I don’t know if I will ever be in this case. When a “friend” knows of your suffering and still acts in a way that would truly damage you further, they are no friend at all. Though I know this is my ego that feels so hurt, I am still not interested in offering this person any ounce of compassion or empathy. This is not like me, but I must be honest about where I am at. I felt that deading this person completely was the best thing to do because of her instability and lack of thought for others. It was a friendship that was expiring anyway for some time. I didn’t enjoy being around her for a while and maybe I intuitively knew she wasn’t an honest person.  She was also just not a positive influence on me. I want to point out though, that no matter how angry and resentful I felt, I never wished real harm on this person. Even if I say I dislike a person, I still want the best for them in life because we all deserve to live happy lives. I would still get excited over good news for them. I’m not a dick like a lot of other people.

Even though I still decided to end the friendship with the girl involved, I didn’t feel the need to go on and put the girl down. I simply stated how I felt. This situation helped me raise my standards a lot higher for the people I allow into my life. When I care I care, and some people just don’t deserve that part of you. Everyone deserves love, but not everyone deserves YOUR love. You deserve that the most, and I am learning that now.

I have my issues in relationships and I will admit that. I have only been in two real romantic relationships in my whole life up until now. (I’m 25), and that has been with the same person, years apart. As humans, relationships give us a lot of things. They give us good feelings (hopefully), they give us comfort, a sense of purpose and a way to express ourselves and grow with another person. Ego is what makes people get lost in relationships. Ego is also why we feel so lost when a relationship ends or shifts in a way that throws us off. Anything that gives us the illusion of form or consistent comfort is probably an act of ego. I think the biggest cure for this is communication on both ends.

So how do we go forward and not become bitter, resentful people when we get hurt? I don’t 100% know this answer. I just think that being honest about our feelings and communicating with whoever is involved is necessary. I think not talking about it excessively also helps. You want to process and let it go, not dig it up over and over. The tone in which you communicate is very important. You don’t want to speak purely from emotion. Giving yourself some time to process helps as well along with doing your very best to look at the big picture. I think it is important to think about what a relationship means to you (romantic relationship or friendship). If you have experienced an abundant amount of joy and meaningful connection in a relationship that you KNOW was real, it could be worth salvaging. If you really haven’t, and time was the only thing you shared with someone, maybe it isn’t worth salvaging. That is on us to decide. There is no right or wrong answer here. I think it helps us to see the lessons in situations. It is usually the most painful situations in life that bring us to the most beautiful places. That sounds cliché, but it is the truth. We may not comprehend this in the moment, but in time, things make more sense. I think my lesson in this was to really, truly be able to put myself in a person’s shoes and remain aware of my ego’s role. Also, this situation showed me what I truly want in life more-so relationship-wise. It showed me how much I cared and still care about the person I felt intense love for aside from family for the first time. Whatever comes of that, I will speak my truth and leave the rest up to the universe.

You can make something into a whole drama if you want to. That shit is easy. I could have considered how long I had known the girl and made it into more of a big deal, but at this point in my life, I have a very clear vision for my future, and I don’t want to look back anymore. It is empowering as fuck to only look forward and be concerned with executing your vision for your life.

I guess the point of this post was to encourage you to think before you react when you are hurt. There is nothing wrong with telling someone you need time to process before you get back to them on what will happen going forward. That way, if you change your mind, you won’t look like an asshole. If you don’t change your mind, that is alright too, but at least you will have confirmation that you made the right choice. Also, sleeping on things can help tremendously, but not always. I encourage all of you to do right by yourselves and not own the feelings of others. Too many people do that, and hold back because of it. Let’s stop that together as much as we can.

No dwelling, just floating along ❤

No Place like Home

EmilysQuotes.Com-unknown-inspirational-home-feeling-place.jpgSo, today is the day I leave to go return to Florida after a two-week vacation. I really enjoyed my time away, and it was necessary. It was lovely seeing my family and friends for a bit, but I am ready to get back to the grind. It is always sad leaving home. It’s comfortable, but I am a woman with goals, so comfort isn’t meant for me now or possibly for a long time. I accept that as much as possible.

At this point, leaving my old dog is the hardest because she’s getting older every time I see her, and she’s an angel. I know I will see my family and friends again (God willing). Moving can change the dynamic of a friendship, and that’s neither good nor bad, that’s evolution. I felt good about ending a friendship that turned out to have been fake all along. Time changes everything, sometimes we like this, other times we don’t. I had a great time with my family while home. It was great to see some good friends. The people that I saw are very important to me. I felt more abundant than I ever have on Long Island this time around.

I didn’t feel the anxiety here at all like I used to. I felt safe and a lot more comfortable with myself as a person. I didn’t worry about what anyone else thought and I just did what I wanted to do. I got to Float in my favorite Float center ever, The Float Place, and kickbox a few times as well. It helped me regain that home feeling.  I also got to re-focus and re-prioritize a few things in my life. For example, my health. I had been doing better, but being in NY and having access to healthier food made me remember how important it was to eat for your optimal performance. There was a lot of room for improvement in my diet and my habits. I also got back in to writing and being, more creative. I missed this WordPress thing and have been wanting to get back on here for a while. There was just so much resistance and I was busy doing silly things.

I am going to get back to Florida, get better jobs for now that allow me to save until I must move South. I feel I am more willing to do what I have to do without as much resistance. I thank the book “The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield, and my good friends for this breakthrough. I floated away the residual resistance. I know some great things are going to happen soon, because I feel like I am being guided to the right opportunities.

I am bringing home the confidence that I had lost and a different perspective. Melbourne can be my playground for the next few months if I decide to make it so. I know my time in that town is probably limited. Therefore, I am going to do my best to make the most of it, and learn as much as I can while remaining focused and driven.

I am looking forward to what the next trip home to Long Island will bring. I think I have to come home every few months so long as I can afford it. This place is pretty great when you get to come back. However, I am not crying too much at the idea of getting back to “reality.” If I am meant to come back here for an opportunity down the road, I am open to it. For now, I still have a ton of exploring to do, mistakes to make, and things to learn.

Wish me luck at the airport (everyone’s favorite place to be). I hope you all have great weekends 😊. See you on the other side.

Validation and Friendships

FriendshipHappy Friday friends. This is a super ironic post, because I started it yesterday, and shortly after starting it, there was a HUGE shift in some of my “closest” friendships. It couldn’t have been more perfect to help with de-cluttering (fully letting go of one) and reconstructing in my brain what I had considered to have been one of the most important relationships in my life. I have spent a lot of time by myself since moving to Florida. Even when I lived in New York, I kept a small circle. Sometimes it was for self-exploration, productivity or plain isolation, usually without intentions to isolate. It usually began with the first two being my intentions and would sometimes graduate to the last. Friendship is a weird thing and it can be so complex. I have and have gone through many different types of relationships as we all have. It is normal to shift and go through friendships as you grow and evolve. We may not always need to surround ourselves with the same people our entire lives… Sometimes it is just not conducive to the way we want to live. It is normal to change some friends as your values and life priorities change. It is just as important to do this and not own the other persons’ feelings. We don’t have to be cruel, but we also don’t owe anyone an explanation either for doing right by us.

I have been observing my relationship with myself, and with my relationships with others a lot lately. I have seen what has been good and what has not been so good, and what has helped the most at me being my best. I have started to attract different types of people into my life recently that I am grateful for. These people have been different from a lot of my other friendships in interesting ways (not to discount those older friendships in any way). We may become so used to the people we have always known that we can be thrown off by a completely different personality than we are used to. I love all of my friends to death and would literally do anything for them, but I feel like there becomes almost a homeostasis in long friendships where things can stop growing in certain aspects. This doesn’t mean you need to stop hanging out in most cases. Sometimes things happen that can end or change the dynamic of a friendship. It can be sad, but the best thing for that is to FOCUS ON YOU. Those people have their own lives to work out, and maybe you staying out of their lives will be best for both of you.

I am blessed to have met some brutally honest, yet caring friends recently. Maybe this is because I am receptive and open to changing and finally creating great things for myself. I think we all know that great things never happen out of comfort.

I am a very sensitive person. I feel things intensely. I always have, but it’s gotten magnified as I get older. Therefore, it is very important for me to make sure I am taking the best care of myself possible. This means working out, eating well, making sure I’m always learning, keeping my mind busy, and also working on my ideas to make them reality. Sensitivity can be a defect or an asset, so my responsibility is to keep a close eye on it. I want it tipping in my favor 😊 . It is important for friends to accept you, but they don’t need to validate your every shitty emotion or thought pattern.

I have been conflicted lately over the idea of validation. I remember learning in some psychology classes back in college as well as from different recovery centers and therapists; that it is important to feel validated in life. I was always all about that idea until recently. Validation provides comfort where we are, but don’t we want to go beyond that? I think it is nice to have people in your life that just listen, without feeling the need to give advice unless you ask for it, but I also think it is equally important to have friends to tell you to shut the fuck up (maybe in a little more loving way, maybe not). I honestly think I was so sensitive that I wasn’t ready to befriend brutally honest people until recently. There is always a more loving way to put things of course, but so long as the person seems to genuinely care about your well-being or people as whole, maybe you should entertain them.

I am going into this topic because I feel that I have spoke a lot about my anxiety/PTSD and depression in the past. These disorders can seem very real, and the feelings can be debilitating at times. I have tried therapy and recovery programs several times in my life. However, I feel like sometimes when you talk about an idea or a thought or a feeling over and over again, you make it more real. You grow it. It doubles in size, because you are reinforcing it! I think we must address our feelings, not deny them. But I also think we need to have people around who will remind us that our “disorders” are NOT real. Our thinking is not us. We must continue to rip ourselves out of that shitty old mindset as soon as we see it.

It pierces our consciousness to hear things that go against what we are used to hearing. We may react emotionally, even with anger. Sometimes that is what it takes for us to realize that we need something different, that we need to change for our highest good. Too much validation will make you feel like all is well and good when maybe it’s just not, and it can limit your growth. It has limited mine up until recently.

I am grateful to the few people who have straight called me on my bullshit, and entitlement, and made it a point to point out my worth and potential at the same time. Without them I would struggle to envision myself as being more. When you see people as more, you inspire them to change. I’m more motivated than I’ve ever been. I try to do this with clients as much as possible and have seen the best results this way.

 I was in no way trying to talk negatively about having bad feelings, because they are a part of life and we have to do what works for us. I just wanted to challenge the way you view and think about what you struggle with and potentially see it in a different light. When I am offered a new perspective, I feel it is right for me to share it. If it sounds like B.S to you, that is cool, but If it resonates with you, that’s cool too.

We are capable of a lot more than we think. Have a great weekend!

Psychedelic Explorations Pt. 1

frommagic_mushroom

Before I begin, I know there will be different opinions of this subject, but I am going to go ahead and give my experience and perspective anyway. I state a lot that nothing is for everyone. Things I love and that are good for me, may suck for someone else. For example, floating. I think floating is great for most people in the world, but there are certain types of people that probably should not jump right into floating. For example, people with certain heart conditions without medical clearance, or with serious trauma issues that should be addressed before, and worked through with a professional before hopping right into a tank/float room.  Speaking as someone with some background in Psychology and as someone who suffers from depression, I can attest to the fact that when in a super depressed state, floating can actually help you dwell in that negative space, which can be damaging. It can never hurt to have a few coping skills under your belt to use in tank. By all means, I am not saying do not float If you are depressed, just use your best judgment I guess, and make sure you are seeking additional help.

 Psychedelics is another example. There have been tons of empirical studies on the benefits of psilocybin (one of the active chemicals in mushrooms) on topics ranging from cancer treatment, to addiction, neuroscience, spirituality and the list goes on. (I will post a link below so you can check it out and not take my word for it.

I told myself years ago when I still did drugs recreationally, that I just could not do psychedelics because my brain was too fucked up and I had too much anxiety to really dig deep. I was horrified at the idea of what I might find there. Shortly after discovering float therapy last year, I accepted the state I was in. I was finally able to be totally with myself and I saw that my consciousness wasn’t going to actually kill me. I saw how much ego had a hold on my life. After I saw that I didn’t need to be afraid of my own mind, a friend of mine who was a fellow consciousness explorer, opened my mind to the idea of trying mushrooms again.

I went from “hell no, I will never voluntarily spend time with my thoughts for that long,” to “hmmm…” Float Therapy showed me that it was possible to face anxiety and grow from it also. At the time I was in therapy as well, and I decided to give the fungus another shot with completely different intentions. Rather than being a kid recreationally experimenting, I used them with the intentions to explore my consciousness and feel connected in a way I usually was unable to. The first time I did them, I did them with a friend in nature, which was a perfect way to get back in there. After that, I decided that I was going to do them alone and basically meditate the entire time. I would do small doses, because I felt that I got more out of it, and I had more control over how long it would last. I only stick to the plant medicines for the most part. I don’t trust a lot of things out there, like LSD today. I just needed a little help listening to my intuition, and shrooms gave me exactly what I needed. I would meditate, and experiment with my senses sometimes after I became more experienced. Sometimes I would put my floating ear plugs in, so I could just focus on the inner without distraction. Other times I would have specific music playing. Other times I would be completely in the dark. This may sound scary, but once you commit and surrender to these medicines, it becomes less scary and you accept a lot easier.

The great thing about them too is that they are not addicting. They are an intuitive life form that will literally tell you when you need to lay off, if you listen. This may sound crazy to those of you who have not had a psychedelic experience, but it has been my experience. They seem to come and go into your life like certain friendships, but without bitterness.

These journeys are not always pleasant depending on your mind and what is going on in your life. I have had trips where I had breakthroughs and full-blown cried hysterically and physically released pain. You are shown parts of yourself that you have been battling for a long time. It intensifies things, so you are more likely to change. At least that is how it has been for me. I can not see something clear as day and not do a thing about it. This is how mushrooms helped me find my own way out of my depression, coupled with the other forms of therapy I was participating in. After a time, I actually stopped needing therapy because I trusted my own inner voice enough to point me in the right direction. I do not recommend discontinuing therapy for most people, nor my method. Again, this is just MY experience.

I feel that I healed and addressed a lot of inner pain. One of my last trips in New York, I got the message that I just couldn’t grow anymore in the ways I was looking to grow if I continued to live in my family’s home. I wasn’t happy and it was rubbing off on them. I didn’t feel grateful. I felt stuck and angry.  It was scary, but I had a rough next day accepting that I just had to go sooner that I planned. It was terrifying, but I put myself out there, and things came together like clockwork, which was my confirmation that this move was meant to be. I ended up finding a job and everything so quickly. I had like a month and half to blast off and get my new life together. It wasn’t all cake, but these experiences definitely helped me get a move on.

I would love to post more about this topic if you guys are interested. I may still do it anyway because I find it really interesting to talk about. I hope I didn’t offend anyone, but if I did, maybe try something different, or don’t. Always use your judgment, but also take into account that fear is ego. Sometimes we greatly benefit taking a leap. If you have any questions, feel free to comment and I would be happy to give my best advice.

Here is the link to a website that had some good sources on the effects of psilocybin on the topics I mentioned above:

http://heffter.org/study-publications/

Good Joe Rogan video also on float tanks, psychedelics and meditation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dLFlDJi7f60&feature=youtu.be

Here is just more research done on float therapy on a variety of conditions:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXdyoX8F3cQ

Lessons Learned from Living on my Own

mind blownn

Hello! This post sounds lame already, but it was just fun to come up with. I intend on my later posts being a lot more informative, so don’t give up now. I know people have made crazier, more intense moves, and that mine is not that special, but to me it is. So, here we go:

~Your strengths are magnified as well as your human defects; As far as strengths, you may surprise yourself with your work ethic or with how much you are able to carry out without the necessary need for validation or recognition. As for your defects, When you have no one, or feel like you have no one in your corner (Depression), you feel things more intensely, and it can cause chaos if you don’t stay on top of your mood and do everything that you can to keep yourself mentally and physically healthy.

~You have less people to complain to; As a result, you get more shit done without going through as much talk in your head. This means less procrastination and feeling sorry for yourself, as well as more productivity.

~Trust your intuition on who you choose as your friends; You may feel alone and desperate at times, so you may let people in that you normally would not, just because there are limited people you come into contact with because of work etc… These people can be low-vibe people who are going nowhere fast, or just not people you want to surround yourself with. This may mean putting yourself more out there and also learning to enjoy your own company more (OH NO! =p)

~You don’t have to be friends with your co-workers if you plan on moving up; You may disagree with this one, but it depends on a few things. If you are really good at separating work stuff from friendships, go ahead. Also, be careful how much you tell your co-workers about yourself or your life. Keeping a healthy distance is good as long as you can still work well together. You don’t get a job for all the lovely friends you will make, you are there for a common vision to carry out, nothing more.

~If I don’t stay active and move my body, I get depressed real quick; I had a difficult time adjusting for the first few months after moving. I felt like I had no time, and the time I had off, I had endless things to do. I felt like I had no time or energy for working out since my anxiety was draining it. Now, I rediscovered kickboxing and running, with some weight training mixed in there when I can. This is soo important in my mood. Sadly, a medication did need to come back into play for a bit, but I am optimistic that I can start to decrease my dose already.

~Never voluntarily put yourself in a dangerous situation as a means of “survival”; Just don’t. Work with integrity or find something else. Sure, be creative and entrepreneurial as long as it is on your terms.

~Do what you have to do to keep yourself happy, and don’t dwell and judge yourself for your mistakes. Learn from them and let them go; Forward is the only way to go. This is a big one for me. I used to constantly look back, but I am learning not to, and it is empowering and amazing for creativity.

~You can’t always eat organic and super healthy when you have rent and bills to pay; It sucks, but its true for me. You have to compromise and find a balance. I went from being super neurotic about everything I ate and did, and when I moved, I lost all of that discipline for a while. My diet was shit, and I felt it.

~I don’t like to cook in someone else’s kitchen; Personal preference haha. Maybe it’s just an excuse not to really cook. I feel like such a hypocrite when I am not prepping my food EVER. I am going to do better when I get home.

~You don’t always get what you want!; Life will unfold in it’s own way. There is really very little we have control over, aside from our daily actions. I moved somewhere, took a risk, and technically, I guess I failed. I left the job I was at, which was the main reason for me moving out of New York. However, I don’t like to see everything as a failure, so long as you learn from them. I think it is healthy to admit when we fuck up and admit our shortcomings for sure, but as long as we keep going forward and taking action in the direction we would like to be in, then screw it!

~Loneliness can light a fire under your ass and get you focused quick!; Loneliness is a feeling. This I know. It is not reality. It never will be. However, from time to time I just FEEL alone. I feel all alone, like I’m lost and have no friends or family that cares about me. I feel like I will die and no one will find me (anxiety). I feel sorry for myself for a few minutes, then move the fuck on because I realize I am abundant as hell, and that thought is total B.S. I do not have many friends in Melbourne. A few moved away in the short time of me being there. I use my down time to work on my goals now. I make sure that I get things done every day that will make me more valuable and more of an asset in whatever I decide to do. I actually appreciate the feeling of loneliness sometimes now, because it makes me reach out to someone I know loves the shit out of me. I am also super productive. You don’t SIT in feelings as long when no one is there to validate them. Then they tend to dissipate. I feel that I have more of a choice in my mood, not that it’s perfect (its not!).

SO, those were just a few things that I have come to learn through my experience. Everyone is different, so everyone has their own lessons to learn. What I take away from most of this, to sum it up; make sure you are taking care of yourself and being true to yourself. Don’t let people take advantage of you and speak up for yourself. There is always a way out of depression even when it doesn’t seem like it. Thoughts change like the weather, so take it a day at a time. Life carries with it uncertainties, and we must be sure to take care of ourselves in all aspects, no matter what. If we feel like shit all the time, we will not be motivated, and our life will be just OK, if not unbearable. Life should be fun and exciting, most of the time. There are opportunities in a lot of places, we may just have to move around to find the best ones 🙂 . I am learning about detachment and letting go. I am doing my best not to get too comfortable anywhere, because things can change in an instant, and I want to be prepared as I can be. Life isn’t about comfort. It is about creating and living, and having no “what-ifs,”.

Thanks for reading friends<3

 

The End of my Hiatus

pearly-gatesGood morning friends! I have been wanting to get on here again and write, but I was having many issues getting a new password link. It was odd, but I am back. A LOT has changed since my last posting. I don’t want to bore you all with all the little details, but basically to sum things up, I had just moved from my childhood home to the state of Florida, into the basically unknown.

I started what I thought was going to be a dream job, and in a way it was. However, being on my own brought with it a lot of unresolved issues within myself and greatly magnified my defects, and I think my strengths as well. My “dream job” began as heaven and ended less gracefully than I would have liked in all honesty, however, I gained a lot of knowledge and new perspectives that I would have never gained otherwise. Most of all though, I did right by people, I impressed myself with the work I was able to carry out, as well as the creativity and drive that I had in the Float industry. It showed me my strengths and my weaknesses and showed me that I had a lot more value than I ever would have thought in a workplace. I learned how to deal with very different personalities and to really speak up for myself. I had never done that at a job before, so it was kind of a big deal.

On to the new!; I am trying not to talk too much about old shit. My intentions now with the help of some great friends and my intuition, are to look ahead and put my ideas into action every day, no matter how small I think they may seem at the time.

In August I went to Portland, Oregon to attend the Float Conference. This place changed my life in ways I never could have pictured even though it went way too quickly. I met some amazing individuals and had the best time. I took it all in and learned and observed as much as possible. I came home with a passion that nothing could break. That momentum still has me going forward. Every day I am making sure I am doing something to make my job easier when the time comes to either open my own Float center or until I find my “Dream Team,” that I feel good working with. I got so gung-ho at first and felt that I needed to do it yesterday, but now I have a much more realistic vision.

I have a few projects up in the air right now as we speak, and I have to trust that the right opportunity will be revealed to me as I take it day by day, executing ideas. I will actually know a lot more about where I will be headed today.

I think I mentioned this in an earlier post, how I would not be surprised if I moved 8 times in my first 2 years living on my own. I still feel that is an accurate statement. As of now I am still in Melbourne, Florida, but plan on leaving after my lease ends in December most likely. I told myself I would try and give Florida an honest year, and that is still the plan as of now. There are still many other parts to be explored, however, I am more open-minded to going where the opportunities are.

I feel that I just talked a whole lot about myself, but I wanted to give a basis for what the hell is going on, so things make more sense as I post going forward. I have learned many lessons so far in almost 6 months, but I will share those in the next post because this is a long one.

Thanks so much to all of you who didn’t unfollow through my WordPress hiatus. Much love to all of you ❤

Post again real soon. 🙂