Good morning friends. I saw an article on my Facebook feed this morning that stuck out to me. I have been seeing articles similar to this here and there and something about it just does not resonate with my soul. There is so much information out there, way too much in fact. It can be overwhelming for people to sort through it all. It is easy for people to fall into a trap of believing something if they aren’t in their optimal state, and lets face it, most of us are not all the time in this fast paced world.
So anyway, this article was titled “If you Stay Friends With an Ex, You are Probably a Psychopath.” Yeah, because that title doesn’t sound at all consescending, or suggest that there is a cookie cutter approach to life and relationships. I understand where this person may have been coming from when they suggested that wanting to remain friends with an ex can be a way for people with narcisistic tendencies to want to feel like they won, or that they have an upper hand in the situation. This makes sense, however, I think this is more of an unconscious thing also. After break-ups, it is pretty much normal for the people involved to experience emotional distress and vulnerability. I can see how an extreme narcissist or psychopath can see this and want to feed on it. I can’t exactly place myself in this mindset, because I don’t experience these motivations, but I am doing my best to relate.
I also understand the view that this article took, suggesting that people may want to remain friends with an ex for potential “benefits.” Again, I do not do this, but in our society a lot of people may have fear over not having enough or struggle with entitlement issues. I have an ex that it didn’t work out with as a romantic relationship, but consider him one of my closest friends. I think this definitely takes maturity, serious honesty and acceptance and kind of “unconditional” love. If a situation feels good for both people and still brings them both happiness and positive connection, then why the hell not remain friends! As long as your egos aren’t causing chaos for either of you, enjoy that shit! Overall, I think the article generalized way too much. I am curious to know how the groups were selected. I highly doubt these subjects had high levels of awareness of self.
If you choose some people who practice mindfulness in their daily lives, I guarantee that the results will be very different than if you went to a club or shopping mall. I just think it is important to consider things like this before seeing something as “valid.” Amongst the individuals who operate unconsciously, there are many who are waking up and honestly trying to live better lives. Of course there are narcistic trends today considering the state that the World is in, but more of the shifted people should be involved in studies. There is hope for humans. I believe in us 😛. There is no right way to do life.