The ego is really such a joke when you think about it. It makes us into this serious person who feels the need to persuade others into seeing us in a particular way. None of it really matters. I have been receiving some very productive waves of awareness the past week, coupled with the willingness I needed to really decide to change certain behaviors I have carried with me for some time. It is important not to judge ourselves too harshly when we are making the effort to change.
My ego doesn’t want me to post this, because people will be able to see my flaws being aired out there like dirty laundry, BUT I am at a point in my evolution where I can be honest about where I’ve gone wrong and where I’ve fell short. As humans we develop behaviors through different motivations. A lot of mine were out of survival for most of my life up until recently. Where I am now, I am on my way to really thriving, so these defenses are no longer necessary.
I also think we should make a habit out of acknowledging the positive qualities we display and are proud of. I think it is healthy to be as honest as possible with ourselves to grow and reach our full potential, which is surely greater than we may have believed most of our lives. I am going to share the good and the bad with you, and I encourage you to share yours as well. I no longer care about being judged, because I have made progress and I am committed to continuing doing so. Let the fun part begin! :
1.) I used to blame a lot. I didn’t have an easy childhood or family life growing up. I was abused verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually as a kid for many years. I thought I was just meant to struggle. I was angry, anxious and depressed. I developed maladaptive coping behaviors that took the focus away from my healing. I was in denial for a lot of my life. Taking full responsibility for my circumsances has opened me up to freedom and has shaped me into the person I want to be, and has revealed to me I can achieve greatness. I will never stop progressing. I refuse to settle.
2. I used to lie a lot. I wouldn’t say I was ever a compulsive liar, but it became a habit for me to exaggerate or to hide my true reasoning behind certain things. I feared being judged and hated, which was really mirroring my beliefs about myself at the time. Today I do my best to be honest about everything. When you lie, even about little things, you may forget where you are in reality.
3. Being a control freak. We only have control over few things, and the rest we must turn over to whatever our higher power is. If we don’t have one, we must do our best to let go and surrender (easier said than done, I know!). It takes the fun and surprise out of life when we insist on figuring every little thing out.
4. I used to have and still subconsciously have some entitlement issues. I am very aware of the way they display themselves now, so I don’t tolerate these behaviors in myself anymore. I used to think I deserved what wasn’t mine. In life I think we can achieve whatever we desire, but we must shape ourselves and become who we want to be so we can have those things. There are no shortcuts!
5. I was very shy. I was reading an article recently that said shyness is a form of narcissism. It makes sense. Not expressing who we are out of fear of judgment is a disservice to ourselves and others. You never know who you will inspire by being you! A surprising amount of people probably appreciate this!
Now, the good!:
1. Pain motivates me. I act on my awareness now. I refuse to be a victim of my circumstances. I see where I am lacking and I act and push past resistance to develop healthy habits and a healthy mindset.
2. I am openly human. I never pretend to have it all together or to have all the answers. I do this to inspire others to do the same. We are all in this together!
3. I care about other people. I never want to see people suffering like I used to. I will always listen, even if I have no advice to offer. A listening ear goes a long way. We validate each other by listening. Talking down to people like you are above where they are is condescending and does NO good. Try and relate any way you can.
4. I share with others what has helped me and what I learn along the way. I do my best to remain humble. I have no idea what I’m doing and I am almost proud of it. If I can save anyone some time by pointing out my failures and errors, I will gladly do so.
5. I love beyond any pain I have experienced. I should probably be jaded, but as much as I would like to say I will never open my heart again, it is just not possible for me. Vulnerability is strength. So is forgiveness.
Feel free to share some of yours! 😊💜